Go Tiger!

It’s been a long quest – 16 games over about 5 months. I’ve seen every team (i did cheat and see one on TV) and i’ve been with fans of every team but there has only been one game that i know i will never forget.

I am looking for a team for a lifetime not a good time. I never came into this with the plan to jump on a team and ride them to victory this September.

There is something about me and the Tigers that bonded on that fateful night. I have seen them and their worst and admired them (ok, well i’ve admired the fans, not the players – they really were shit). I met men who had flown down from North Queensland to see them thumped, women who had made their banners, and fans that stayed and supported and comforted each other in what must have been one of their darkest hours. I admired them all. I admired how they kept their chin up and how they were dutifully gracious to this unfortunate stranger who had gate crashed their collective funeral. It was surreal, it was awful, it was horribly uncomfortable and it was emotional.

Richmond have managed to scrape out two wins and a draw this season and i watched the final stages of all of them. I cheered them on, i screamed at the TV for them, and i texted and rang Terry and Faye from that fateful night to congratulate them and to try and share some small sense of what it was like for them to enjoy it. I could hear the joy and passion in their voices and their appreciation of the smallest wins. It made the disappointment in victory that i have observed in other fans seem trivial.

After that fateful game some fans appealed to me in their gloom and it really got to me. I read every single one of those testaments and felt the emotion and i returned to them through the season and read them again. I felt it and i haven’t been able to shake the feeling since.

My apologies to those teams i got to later in the year. I think i played out the second half of the season with a niggling injury. Still looking for a team with my head when my heart actually already knew where it was going.

Tomorrow afternoon I am off to see another football game. My 16th and last for the year (i am off on my own mad monday next week and my team won’t be far behind me!) but my first as a fan. I’ll be playing this for motivation, i’ll be dressed up in the gear, i’ll be doffing my cap to former Richmond great Kevin Sheedy, I’ll probably even be dropping by the grog squad for old times sake, but – more than anything – i’ll be hoping that we teach them a lesson and that Richmond’s great future starts here.

Oh we’re from Tigerland, a fighting fury we’re from Tigerland…

marcus.

Some acknowledgements before i wrap this up…

My quest is at an end! Before i make the big announcement: To everyone that has followed my quest over the course of the year or taken me to a game or tried to sell me on their team, i would like to say thanks. For the fans of the other 15 teams that i haven’t picked – a little part of me will be happy for all of you when you taste success – particularly the long suffering ones.

In the end, there were a few teams that were more seriously in consideration than others so i feel like i need to acknowledge them before i reveal my final decision: Geelong, The Kangaroos and Essendon.

Geelong came in very close – i loved the experience of footy at Kardinia Park much more than anything i saw in the corporate worlds of the MCG and Telstra Dome. Your team this year is amazing and if you weren’t so god damn far out in front (so i could be safely not accused of bandwagon jumping) i think Geelong would be right up there. After meeting so many long suffering Cats fans this year i just don’t think it would be right to jump on board a few weeks before what i hope will be a red hot finals campaign. You deserve the flag, your fans deserve the flag and i really hope you get it.

The Kangaroos – way back is round one i went to see the team that was the favourite for the wooden spoon. Everyone had written them off before the season started and expectations were low. Everyone i met on that fateful afternoon tried to explain to me the elusive concept of the “shinboner” spirit and i didn’t quite get it. As i have watched that bunch of supposed no hopers turn that around and determinedly fight their way towards this year’s final series, I can honestly say that I get it now. Unfortunately, i just can’t bring myself to sign up for a lifetime supporting a team on the Gold Coast. I hope the spirit and the culture don’t get lost in whatever the future may hold because it is the best in the league.

Essendon – you guys have done my head in this year. I’ve loved you, i’ve hated you, i’ve drank with you in victory and defeat. You will always be my favourite team to play against. I’ve spent most of this year admiring the club’s history, its winning culture, the confidence and passion of its fans, and – more than just about any other individual in the game – its coach and the way he connected the club to an age and an era when the game was just a little less a business than it is now. Don’t get me wrong – i recognise that clubs must move on at some point but there’s a right way and wrong way to go about it. It seems like entirely the wrong time to be jumping on board.

Good old Collingwood forever

Lindy’s back, i’m back and i’m on the pies. The hot pies. The mighty pies. The glorious pies.

Collingwood are a good prospect and apparently they know how to play the game. Which will be good after god knows how many weeks of enduring teams that didn’t have a f***ing clue which game they were playing. I sure hope that “the game” the pies know how to play is actually Australian Rules football and not, say, that one they play in Mongolia where men on horseback throw a decapitated goat around. Richmond, Carlton or the Swans might be very good at that.

They’ll be playing the bombers this weekend and if they can give me my first win over the Bombers i will be eternally grateful. [Grog squad, i love you all but the gloating ends here!]

These teams hate each other so it should be fierce!

Actually, now have a few good mates in the Essendon grog squad i thought i might do my bit for world peace and take it upon myself to heal the harsh rift of rivalry that runs between these two teams. Then I am flying to Glasgow on Sunday so i thought i might also fix the factionalism between Rangers and Celtic supporters while i’m over there. On the way back if i can change my stop over from Singapore to Jerusalem i thought for a bit of fun, i thought I’d solve the Israeli – Palestinian thing on the way home.

Anyhow, to get in the mood I’ve been listening to this.

Taking a little break

In case anyone is wondering, with only four teams but plenty of rounds to go i am taking a break while Lindy is away from 774 Drive and while i seek counseling for acute psychological trauma. I will return when Lindy does – which i think is next week. In the meantime, if anyone is a trauma counselor can they leave some suggestions in the comments box.

Not Again…

SYDNEY Swans coach Paul Roos says his team’s performance against Collingwood on Saturday night was its worst since he has been in charge of the club.

Guess where i was on Saturday?

My record. Shocking.

I went and saw Carlton play at the we-are whining-because-we-want-a-braadband-monopoly Dome on Friday night and my apologies to all the Carlton fans for doing so. Yet another club suffers a record loss at my hands. This time it was the wrong end of the Hawks biggest ever win over Carlton.

Is there any club that would actually think it’s a good idea to have me as a fan? I’ve basically spent the first half of the year denying that i’m a jinx, now i think it’s time to have a serious look at my form and fess up:

Kangaroos (L)
Essendon
St Kilda
Melbourne (L)
Hawthorn (L)
Richmond (L)
Geelong
Brisbane (L)
Adelaide (L)
West Coast (L)
Carlton (L)

3 wins from 11 games. The scariest thing is that i am running against form here – i have seen every team in the top 4 and for only ONE win – Geelong. What can i say? Shocking. That gives me 12 points and puts me ahead of only Richmond and Melbourne on the ladder (Melbourne’s only win came when i went to see Adelaide play against them!)

Only the Western Bulldogs, Collingwood, Sydney, Port and Fremantle left to suffer at my hands.

A little quiet around here

Unfortunately i have been a little busy around here in the last week or two. I’ve been spending my days and some of my evenings filming this TV series thing called Not Quite Art that i am working on for the ABC. What i have learnt from that is that walking and talking and trying to sound convincing when talking to a camera is, umm, difficult and it makes me feel like the sort of knob that i regualrly laugh at when watching the teev. The other thing that i have learnt is that updating the blog while doing that is a bit of a challenge.

Apologies for that, but in the meantime enjoy the wonderful archives here.

Hawks or Dreamteam?

I have been seeking out the views of some of the more prominent footy fans that i have met about town about which team i should get on. I crossed paths with author, former Race Around the Worlder and now RRR breakfast presenter Tony Wilson (the ABC will have to start paying me to do this blog if they want me to not plug rival stations) recently and he seemed to think that is should get onto the Hawks.

Well, maybe…

I’m a Hawthorn supporter so always face an uphill battle trying to convince newcomers to embrace the yellow and brown — a colour combination that yet again in 07 is not taking Paris by storm. After a few deplorable years dominated by solarium use, hair gel and shopping, the Hawks are now a very admirable team. Jordan Lewis, Sam Mitchell, Luke Hodge, Shane Crawford, Brad Sewell, Tim Boyle, Ben McGlynn, we boast genuine footballers rather than just twenty-first century super athletes. And in BUUUUDDDDDDDY, we have a twenty-first century super athlete who is also a genuine footballer.

Of course I wouldn’t necessarily urge you to barrack for them. Like the video recorder, we peaked in the mid-eighties and true fans have the1989 Grand Final on both VHS and Beta.

Actually Tony is right about the brown. Yellow and brown were the colour of Charlestown Primary School and then the brown followed me to glorious Jesmond High School in Newcastle. I’ve never really recovered from the trauma of that, i’m not sure i can embrace the Hawks without serious counselling for bad uniform flashbacks from childhood.

Tony did have one great suggestion though:

One option, Marcus, is to avoid picking a team and just have yourself a Dreamteam. It’s a very selfish, me generation thing to do. But I’ve done it, and shit I’m having a good time. Go the Maribyrnong Mustangs!

You can read about Tony’s dream team adventures on his web site.

While the selfishness of it definately appeals to me, i think i am a little short of qualified to be selecting anything. I’m struggling to come to terms with 16 teams i have to see during the week without trying to manage another one. Of course, if you’re also a DT coach team is ahead of Tony’s in the dream team stakes i’d be very pleased to facilitate you boasting about it (he gets all the airtime over there – happy to do my bit to even it up).

Oviously, it may be a bit too late to avoid picking a team now. A caller on the ABC last week made me promise to actually pick a team because he has recently moved to Melbourne and vowed to pick whoever i pick (as long as it isn’t Collingwood – fair enough). I promised him, so wimping out is not an option any more.

OK, so i was cheering…

It was really great to finally see Melbourne and Richmond finally get some points this weekend.

Unfortunately for Melbourne they were playing against my team of the week Adelaide on Saturday so i have been forced to obliterate it from my memory. But i came home and caught the last quarter of Richmond’s thrilling game with Brisbane on TV on Saturday night. I have to confess that i was cheering Richmond on, screaming at the TV and hooting and hollering like it was no one’s business and trying desperately to get Richmond across the line. The game ended with a very empty feeling – a 73 all draw, but i suspect that Richmond would have taken that over, say, the 172 point flogging i witnessed a month or so ago.

While not fully committeed, I was enthusiastic enough to initiate a little text message banter with Terry (who took me to see Richmond) late in the fourth quarter:

Me (before the siren): Go Richmond!

Terry (after the siren as the shock wore off): We’ll get there yet. Was very quiet after the game, as no one knew whether the sing the song or not. Have we won you over yet?

Me: Haven’t won me over yet but i was cheering!

Terry: U didn’t cheer hard enough!

And therein lies the one issue that could be holding me back vis-a-vis Richmond: Why is it my bloody fault?

Now Terry and Faye are very lovely, and i am definately happy to share their pain. However i am a bit reluctant to take too much responsibility for it. Richmond were going pretty bloody average before i took any interest in them and i would like to think that i am somewhere well behind Terry Wallace, the club management, whoever’s been making their draft picks, their groundsman, the guy who cuts the oranges, whoever does the laundry, whoever books the bands at The Corner Hotel and Dennis Cometti on the people you might randomly blame for Richmond’s woes list.

I didn’t cheer enough? I am not even a fan yet! Was watching on TV! I am not sure that i can take this responsibility on for THE REST OF MY LIFE. It already feels like a heavy burden to carry.

Having said that. After nine weeks i still haven’t witnessed a big come from behind win and it feels a lot like the tragic losses have stuck in the memory a little more than the good wins or the average losses. The sheer “what should have been” nature of the Roos loss to Collingwood in Round 1 and the magnitude of Richmond’s record smashing loss to Geelong (where the Richmond team got accidentally substituted for the under 10 Auskick kids from half time) that i witnessed have both left me with a strong feeling of really wanting those teams to win as i have followed them from afar throughout the year.

Read into that what you will.

Big Stats for the idiot

It seems we never managed to track down the beer throwing idiot but it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying. Thanks to all the Essendon fans who made an effort to track down the nong among their number from Telstra Dome.

The idiot love child of Kostya Tzu and Jimmy Barnes?

The news is that this post, relative to ALL the other ones that i’ve posted, has rated off the scale! The seed of converting this whole project into a vigilante anti-idiot sports fan site has now been planted. I’m off to check whether dob-in-a-dickhead.com has already been taken.

This post was enough to shoot me up to number TWO on the fastest growing blogs list (curse you passive-aggressive notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers – i will get you if its the last thing i ever do!) and number 96 on the “blogs of the day” list (if that only gets me up to 96, i think my life ambition to defeat the evil (but oh-so-cute) LOLcats may never be realised).

Just to demonstrate that i never miss a chance to sabotage myself, i decided to take a long break and not follow up for a couple of weeks. Talk about a momentum killer.